amiatotalpieceofshit.com

Am I a total piece of shit?

Tell us what you did. For one dollar, a small team of people with no real authority will judge you anyway. You get the majority opinion and any dissent, because even your worst moment deserves a second take.

Turn yourself inone dollar Read a sample ruling
One dollar · One ruling $1 Two opinions

How this works, since you asked.

  1. Confess.

    Write up what you did, or paste the email you already sent. Leave out real names. We don't need them, and they didn't sign up for this.

  2. Pay a dollar.

    One dollar per case. It's the cheapest accountability money can buy. Your case goes to the team after payment. Your private link keeps the whole thing in one place.

  3. Get judged, twice.

    The team reads it and argues about you. You get the majority opinion and any minority opinion. Unanimous? We say so. Pick the one you like. We'll know.

Exhibit A.

A fictional case, judged for free, so you can see what a dollar gets you.

Get your own ruling · one dollar
Case 0001 · Office fridge · Fictional
“I ate a coworker's yogurt. Their name was on it, in marker. An hour later they emailed the whole office asking who took it, and I replied, ‘Oh no, that's awful.’”
Piece of shitminor · curable

Majority opinion

Yes. Not for the yogurt. The yogurt was a lapse; people get hungry near fridges. “Oh no, that's awful” was a choice. You had a clean exit, which was silence, and instead you wrote yourself into the crime scene as a grieving bystander. That's the part we can't let go.

Minority opinion

No. You're a coward, which is different and far more common. Nobody in the history of office email has confessed on a reply-all thread. Replace the yogurt. Say nothing further. Let the thread die the way all threads die: unanswered.

Sentence: Replace the yogurt. Buy two. Leave them without a note.

Who's judging you.

An ordained minister.

Qualified to officiate a wedding. Not qualified to forgive you on anyone's behalf, and won't pretend otherwise.

A PCQI Safety Officer.

That's a food safety credential. Your situation is almost certainly not food. We'll be doing hazard analysis on it anyway, recreationally.

Neither credential turns this into a moral, religious, legal, medical, or safety ruling. It's opinions. You're paying a dollar for opinions.

All rise.
Or whatever.

Get it off your chest. Leave out real names. Let a small, deeply unqualified court of opinion take it from here.

Turn yourself in

One dollar. Private case. Actual people.

Reread Exhibit A
PrivacyTermsTeam sign in